Jimmy Kimmel Imagines the Phone Sex Between Trump and Putin: ‘Vat Are You Wearing?’ | Video

Jimmy Kimmel leaped to an obvious conclusion during his monologue on Tuesday about the reveal that Donald Trump has maintained secret communications with Vladimir Putin: That they’re sexting.

The joke came in the context of a new book by Bob Woodward, which reveals a longstanding secret relationship defined by cronyism and some honestly shocking corruption — including how during the worst of the COVID-19 pandemic, when Trump sent U.S.-made COVID-19 testing devices to Putin as a gift.

“There’s another new tell-all book on the way from legendary journalist Bob Woodward. Trump as you may recall, hated Woodward’s previous three Trump books. So much so, he sat for several extensive interviews for those books,” Kimmel said as he got into the topic. “I think he may have finally learned his lesson with this one. Because his spokesperson said, ‘Woodward is a total sleazebag who has lost it mentally, and he’s slow, lethargic, incompetent and overall, a boring person with no personality.’”

Kimmel recounted some of the dirt in Woodward’s book, including how Senator Lindsey Graham said, “going to Mar-a-Lago is a little bit like going to North Korea” and also admitted Joe Biden was the legitimate winner of the 2020 election. Graham also said Trump “doesn’t like” hearing that.

“So, well by all means, entertain his dangerous delusions until we’ve burned America to the ground then Lindsey,” Kimmel said derisively.

“The bigly scoop for Bob Woodward involves Trump’s KGBFF. The book says Trump has spoken to Vladimir Putin seven times since he left office. Which is less than Ivanka, but more than Tiffany,” Kimmel continued, adding, “It’s right in the daughter sweet spot.”

Kimmel then noted the report that at least once, Trump sent a senior aide out of his office so that he could have a private call with Putin.

“Hello Donald. Vat are you wearing? I’m shirtless on my horse again,” Kimmel joked. He then got to the COVID news, noting the specific detail that the machines Trump sent to Putin were intended for Putin’s personal use.

“You wouldn’t want one of the most villainous murderers on the planet to get a cough would ya?” Kimmel said, before getting to the next, perhaps more shocking part of the story: That Putin specifically told Trump not to tell anyone about it because “people will get mad at you, not me. They don’t care about me.”

“And you know you aren’t too bright when Vladimir Putin has to help you with PR. But could you imagine? I mean, nurses, doctors, American hospitals couldn’t get these machines!  He’s sending them to the devil himself! And by the way, he didn’t pay for that. We paid for that thing he sent,” Kimmel noted.

“I don’t want to say Trump was his puppet, but whenever they were in a room together you never saw more than one of Putin’s hands, okay?”

Kimmel also ran down some of the Woodward book’s other gossip, including the profane things President Joe Biden has said about Trump, about Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu, and about Putin.

“I don’t know why Joe Biden only curses behind closed doors. You’re on your way out, start doing press conferences like like Richard Pryor on the Sunset Strip! It’s Joe Time at the Apollo. Have some fun already,” Kimmel urged.

Kimmel then noted the report that at least once, Trump sent a senior aide out of his office so that he could have a private call with Putin.

“Hello Donald. Vat are you wearing? I’m shirtless on my horse again,” Kimmel joked. He then got to the COVID news, noting the specific detail that the machines Trump sent to Putin were intended for Putin’s personal use.

“You wouldn’t want one of the most villainous murderers on the planet to get a cough would ya?” Kimmel said, before getting to the next, perhaps more shocking part of the story: That Putin specifically told Trump not to tell anyone about it because “people will get mad at you, not me. They don’t care about me.”

“And you know you aren’t too bright when Vladimir Putin has to help you with PR. But could you imagine? I mean, nurses, doctors, American hospitals couldn’t get these machines!  He’s sending them to the devil himself! And by the way, he didn’t pay for that. We paid for that thing he sent,” Kimmel noted.

“I don’t want to say Trump was his puppet, but whenever they were in a room together you never saw more than one of Putin’s hands, okay?”

Kimmel also ran down some of the Woodward book’s other gossip, including the profane things President Joe Biden has said about Trump, about Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu, and about Putin.

“I don’t know why Joe Biden only curses behind closed doors. You’re on your way out, start doing press conferences like like Richard Pryor on the Sunset Strip! It’s Joe Time at the Apollo. Have some fun already,” Kimmel urged.