Man facing charges for stalking college basketball star Paige Bueckers
- Robert Cole Parmalee arrested by UConn police on Friday
- 40-year-old had sent messages to Bueckers on social media
A 40-year-old man is facing charges for allegedly stalking and harassing UConn women’s basketball star Paige Bueckers.
Robert Cole Parmalee of Grants Pass, Oregon, was arrested by UConn police on Friday. He appeared in court on Monday and is being held on $100,000 bond.
Connecticut State Police previously arrested Parmalee on 27 August after he was seen walking on a highway near Hartford. He told police he was on his way to see Bueckers.
Parmalee surfaced on UConn’s radar in June after sending the school’s communications department a series of odd emails. Claiming to be part of the royal family, Parmalee allegedly wrote he wanted to marry someone involved with the Huskies’ women’s basketball team. Parmalee also referenced Bueckers in multiple social media posts. One post contained a fake wedding invitation, while others showed Parmalee with what was possibly an engagement ring. He posted before his August arrest that he intended to propose to Bueckers and have her kicked out of UConn.
A school police officer noted other alarming posts from Parmalee, including one from his TikTok account.
“And if I cannot live with a woman of my choosing, [Bueckers], then I will choose to die, and I will choose to take all of you that (op)pose me, oppose us, to hell, and return, king…,” the post read.
An affidavit indicated that Parmalee had been messaging Bueckers on Instagram since February. Bueckers did not reply to Parmalee, according to the document. She told UConn police on Friday that she feared for her safety and that of her family and teammates, the affidavit noted.
Neither Bueckers’ lawyers nor the UConn women’s basketball team have commented on the matter.
A Connecticut superior court judge said Monday that Parmalee will be under “intense pretrial supervision,” including GPS tracking.
UConn considering changes to security approach after accused stalker targets Paige Bueckers
In the wake of a man arrested and charged with stalking women’s basketball star Paige Bueckers online, and other communications UConn views as uncomfortable or potentially unsafe, the university is discussing ways to augment its approach to on-and-off campus security for student-athletes and athletic department personnel.
“The security and safety of our people, not just our student-athletes but our coaches, is critical,” athletic director David Benedict said Wednesday. “Whether it’s day to day on campus or as our student-athletes are engaging in athletic activity, we’ve got to probably look at and change some things that we do. Certainly on the road, we’re thinking and talking about what, if anything, we need to modify. And education is going to be paramount for people who want to focus on building their brand through social media. There are a lot of things that come with being a high-profile student-athlete and I think security is going to be another one of those hot button issues we’ve got to address.”
The college sports world has changed dramatically with the expansion of social media and the introduction of name, image and likeness initiatives. Fame is lucrative but isn’t easy, and more and more college athletes are now famous. Student-athletes market themselves and monetize their brands, advancing business opportunities and, in some cases, adding a layer of vulnerability to their lives.
Social media provides not only real-time updates on the location and activities of users, but a direct means of communication for followers ranging from scores to millions. The more followers, the greater the odds that among them is someone with ill-intent.
“And we have to remember, they’re still kids. Even though they’re in an element of professional athleticism with NIL and everything else … it brings those same problems if you’re with the New York Knicks. And, quite frankly, from a national level, she might be more recognizable than somebody who is on the Knicks.”
An Oregon man, 40-year-old Robert Cole Parmalee, was arrested recently and appeared Monday at Superior Court in Rockville to face charges of electronic stalking, second-degree harassment and second-degree breach of peace. His bail was set at $100,000 and a protective order was issued, prohibiting him from contact with Bueckers, or from entering Mansfield.
According to UConn police reports, Parmalee targeted Bueckers, a UConn fifth-year senior and among the most famous athletes in the nation, in social media posts and emails to the school. Police attributed online posts to Parmalee that indicated he had fantasies of being in a relationship with Bueckers and intended to propose marriage, the documents show.
In an affidavit, UConn Police Officer Marc Hoffower quoted a TikTok post on a “cole.parmelee” account as saying, that if he “cannot live with the woman of my choosing … then I will choose to die, and I will choose to take all of you that (oppose) me, oppose us, to hell, and return, king.”
Given the unsettling nature of the alleged contact, and Bueckers’ fame, there has been a heightened awareness to the balance of promotion and protection for high-profile athletes. UConn’s athletic platform features a couple teams — men’s and women’s basketball — at the high end of the visibility spectrum, and several players on those teams in recent years who are as much public figures as coaches Geno Auriemma and Dan Hurley.
Social media has made the world both a much larger and smaller place, shining a light on certain potentials as well as on society’s sometimes-ugly underbelly. Benedict was the subject of a death threat about a year ago, he said, resulting in an arrest.
“He didn’t like some of the things I was doing, so he started threatening that he was going to eliminate me if I wasn’t eliminated by the president,” Benedict said. “That’s the type of stuff that happens more often than you think.”
UConn works closely with its campus police department and other jurisdictions on security measures for home events and daily activities. While traveling, the Huskies work in cooperation with law enforcement from the host institution and jurisdiction.
In light of recent events, Benedict said, UConn is considering hiring its own security personnel for certain teams on road trips. Many SEC football teams travel with members of their own local or campus police department as an added layer of protection.
“We’re considering it,” said Benedict, who previously worked at Auburn, an SEC school. “It’s probably something that we will do differently moving forward. I can’t necessarily speak to every situation. We always deal with, when you show up at a hotel on the road, typically people have a way of finding out where you’re going to be. We don’t publish those things. A lot of times, visiting teams stay at the same hotels. Most of the time, you show up and there are people waiting there, looking for autographs. Those are things we’re going to have to think about differently because of situations like this. You would hope that when you arrive at a visiting venue, security is going to be in place so you don’t necessarily need it, but there are times and places.”
Protection on campus and during team activities is manageable with proper attention. But that is only one part of a popular player’s public life.
“I think the more challenging piece is – and this is where we probably need to spend more time educating our student-athletes – if they’re going to put themselves out there on social media and they’re going to be traveling to lots of different places, that’s something we need to educate them on and take into consideration,” Benedict said. “As an institution, we don’t control the movements of our student-athletes in their personal time. But it’s certainly a concern, and there are things we have to consider especially with people who have higher profiles.”
Many famous athletes make public appearances accompanied by security they’ve hired and paid themselves. When Bueckers, for instance, chooses to attend the NBA Finals or the U.S. Open — as she has done, to significant real-time fanfare — it is up to her whether to be accompanied by security.
While NIL money is significant on the highest tier — and Bueckers certainly fits into this — there are many increasingly-famous players in numerous sports who might not have the money needed for security at their disposal.
“Situational awareness,” McDonald said. “Know what you’re going into. If she’s walking around campus or by herself or with friends, just have awareness of what’s going on around you. If there’s someone who looks out of the ordinary, somebody at the campus that doesn’t look like they should be there … we have to be prepared to stand up and call somebody. Call the police department. Know the local police department’s phone number. Know the security’s department’s phone number. Know the number for security of the hotel they’re staying in. We’ve got to be able to feel right so something can be addressed and taken care of before it gets too far along and the creepiness continues.”
McDonald is an Avon native and UNH graduate who was a professional ice hockey referee before his 20-plus years in Secret Service. He retired in 2015 as the assistant special agent in charge of the Vice Presidential Division, according to his online bio, responsible for protective operations and training of special agents assigned to then-Vice President Joe Biden and his family.
McDonald then worked five-plus years for the NBA, as senior director of global events security, coordinating security for events such as the NBA Finals, the NBA All-Star Game, the Olympics and more.
“I think you’re going to see a paradigm shift now with the NIL stuff,” McDonald said. “Not big-time college athletes weren’t recognizable — but for example, in college basketball, you might have known the starting five for Michigan but you only knew them because of the run to the Final Four or the Saturday afternoon game. Now you’re seeing them in advertisements, faces plastered on buses. It brings a new level of recognizability, which brings a new level of interest — be it good or bad from certain entities.
“This is not to sound degrading to Division II or III folks, but if you go and play at Bentley, no one is going to know who you are. You’re going to get through your four years without a lot of fanfare. As opposed to UConn women’s basketball, which fills Mohegan Sun and fills Gampel Pavilion and fills [Madison Square] Garden when they go down there. You’re going to see some people who are a little creepy. You’re going to start to see people stalking, as you mentioned, and the university is going to have to figure out how to handle that.”
Benedict said more attention has been paid to safety and security on campus in recent years. Buildings are locked and are to remain so.
“I think it’s our job and responsibility to try to educate our student-athletes in a lot of areas; this is something that’s becoming more important,” Benedict said. “About a year ago, we really took a hard stance because of another issue that popped up. Locking our facilities is paramount. People want to prop doors open because someone forgets their ID card or forgets their code. That’s just not acceptable in today’s day and age. We’ve got to have strict policies on campus with access. Unfortunately, you can’t just provide access to the public anymore for these kinds of reasons.
Bueckers met with her agent, coaches, school officials, law enforcement and her family last week to “formulate a safety plan,” according to a police report. She also filed a formal complaint that initiated a UConn police criminal investigation into her alleged stalker, that report said.
Bueckers and many teammates, and many high profile players across numerous sports, are often seen attending events on TV. Word spreads on social media. She is at Connecticut Sun games at Mohegan Sun Arena, where security ushers them in and out. In most settings, players are accessible to a certain degree. Basketball seasons are only 4-5 months long. Some players are highly visible year-round, often times popping into public view unexpectedly.
“Let me give you a Secret Service analysis,” McDonald said. “You’ve heard the term ‘off the record movement.’”
A day earlier, acting Secret Service director Robert Rowe was discussing at a press conference the details of an assassination attempt of former President Donald Trump at his golf resort in Florida. Trump’s round of golf, Rowe explained, was an “off the record” movement, meaning it wasn’t on his official schedule.
“An off-the-record is easy to secure because if the president didn’t know he was going to play golf at 2 o’clock and the Secret Service didn’t know he was going to play golf at 2 o’clock, then the bad guy can’t know he’s going to play golf at 2 o’clock,” McDonald said. “But the flip side is, as soon as she’s shown on TV, sitting at the U.S. Open, with all the media alerts, she now becomes on the record. Even though she just blew in to watch tennis and went in under the cover of darkness, people start to figure out she’s there and they start posting in Instagram and all that.
“That now spreads it onto the record. The people at the U.S. Open have the opportunity to find here, bother her, autographs, pictures. There’s a fine line between interacting with your fans and people being a pain in the rear. It’s an interesting dynamic and it’s probably going to get a little bit worse than it gets better.”
Additional security on campus, like anything else in college athletics, requires spending.
“And security doesn’t make money, it costs money,” McDonald said. “You go to a game and buy hot dogs and T-shirts and a program, all of that makes money. When a league or a school needs to put together a security platform for players or coaches, that costs money and doesn’t make a dime. It’s a good investment in your commodity and your player. But security costs.”
No team, no university, no player can eliminate harmful intent or even attempts at inconvenient communication from afar. On campus, UConn has the ability to heighten security measures. Advanced video monitoring at and near athletic facilities is something also being considered, Benedict said.
“Social media, where you’re constantly, for some people, putting yourself out there … you can almost track people’s movements on a daily basis as to what they’re doing and where they’re at,” Benedict said. “I do think that probably has a direct impact on some of this. I can’t speak to how that impacts potential issues like we saw recently, but our main focus is on doing everything we can to protect and keep our student-athletes and staff safe when they’re on campus as well as when we’re competing locally, and when we’re on the road.
“I don’t follow every single thing our student-athletes are doing on social media but some of that is meant to get people to follow them. I can’t speak to how that impacts every single person and the way they follow them, but when you put yourself out there and create millions of followers I’m not sure you’re not going to have some of this pop up.”
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